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Mrs. Siri | January 25, 2020

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Mrs. Siri

We finally bit the bullet and moved down to Appleville last month. It was something I had been advocating since my husband first accepted the position at Apple, so you’d think I would have thrilled. But when I turned my back on the stunning bay views from our SoMa apartment, dogs in tow, to make the trek down to our new apartment in Cupertino, the moment was more bitter than sweet.

That being said, Cupertino is an interesting place. It truly is all things Apple. There are far more Apple campuses in this town then I could have ever imagined. I pass at least three Apple busses/shuttles every time I’m in the car. Having spent almost the last decade in San Francisco, it seems odd that everything is literally a 15 minute drive away and I never have to worry about parking.

I now assume that everyone I encounter works for Apple, or has some sort of dealings with Apple – especially when I’m in close proximity of Infinite Loop. My interactions with the Appletinis vary greatly. Most are nice enough and very focused on what they are doing. Maybe only half of the employees make eye contact with me when crossing campus. Though, that may be due to the glaring white sticker that’s always on my chest declaring me as an outsider.

The worst encounter I’ve had to date with an Apple employee was a just a few days after moving to Cupertino. My husband was out of town working and I was left to face Apple alone. Though Apple is a wonderful place when you have an escort, the layers of secrecy and security are a bit intimidating. Our new puppy had decided to turn the power adapter into a chew toy, leaving my MacBook Pro dead to the world and me with no means of meeting a deadline. My husband arranged for his office adapter to be left at the front desk of Apple. Unfortunately, I arrived after the doors had been locked for the evening which I didn’t realize until I tried to open the door. That was my fatal error. An employee was coming out of the doors and barely made eye contact while informing me that he wouldn’t help me and no one would unless I had a badge. Ah, the sacred Apple badge. I could see a whole slew of Apple Security in the lobby and knew they would be able to help me if he would only let me ask them. But no, of course not. Not without the magic badge.

I was told later that both the front desk staff and security were horrified when they heard about the incident and next time to call Corporate Security directly. Apparently they are always happy to help an Apple Wife in need. I was just unlucky enough to encounter an employee with Appletude – a condition similar to Little Man Syndrome brought on by too much badge power. Luckily, those employees seem to be few and far between. For the most part they are all kids in a candy store working on the coolest shit on earth.