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Mrs. Siri | September 15, 2019

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If Apple Ran the World

If Apple Ran the World
Mrs. Siri

Last night my husband and I traded in our car. We had received quotes from the Salesperson and knew what we wanted before we arrived. It seemed like it would be a fairly straightforward affair, as straightforward as any car purchase can be. We arrived at the dealership at 7pm with excitement in our eyes and left at 11pm feeling a little dead inside. What went wrong you ask? Well, we were at a car dealership.

But the whole ordeal made me wonder – What would it be like if Apple ran the world?

Can you imagine what a pleasant experience buying a car would be with Apple at the helm? To start with, you would never have to search endlessly for a salesperson. Apple Stores are the only stores in the world that overflow with staff who in actually are completely irrelevant. After all, you can go to an Apple Store and purchase your new laptop case without ever speaking to an employee. All you need is your iPhone and an iTunes account, and you are on your way.

The endless forms and paperwork would be gone. No excuses of why “it can’t go digital because we need too many signatures” like we heard last night. No justification of “we need a live signature or we have to send your fingerprints to the bank.” Absolutely not. With Apple we would just blindly click the accept on the Terms and Conditions and never have to see the pages and pages of clauses. Nothing bad would happen with that blind click and South Park will remain the boy who cried wolf.

There would be no haggling over price either. None of this “write down your counteroffer here and I’ll take it back to my manager” bullshit. Because Apple, thankfully, tells it like it is – “You’ll pay what we tell you to pay and you’ll be thankful to buy our products.” And we are thankful! And we can’t wait until they tell us what to buy next.

So thank you, Apple. Thank you for making the world a better place, and please consider going into the car business.

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